Saturday, July 04, 2009

Eva M. (Garcia) Kroft 06/02/1952 - 05/04/2009




My dear Eva, the woman who meant the most to me in my admittedly Gay life, was taken from this Earth this last May. There will never be anyone else like her, and I miss her terribly every day. Below, I'll share a few images of her, and exerpts from the eulogy I delivered at her memorial service...





Eva Garcia Kroft.

How does one sum up, in a few sentences, the impact of loving someone for 30 years?

Well, you can’t, not really anyway. It’s not like a soundbite will cover it. Shoot, as far as I’m concerned, a volume the size of the Phone Book wouldn’t even scratch the surface. Nevertheless, I’m gonna say what’s in my heart, and I hope you’ll forgive me if I sound trite or sentimental. But I don’t care how I sound, as long as I can in some way convey what this very special person means to me. Notice I said “means” and not meant, because in some way, she’ll always be with me, right here in my heart. I know a lot of you must feel the same. Science tells us that matter and energy can never be created nor destroyed, but merely transformed. In that respect, Eva has simply transformed into her basic energy, the energy and thought that created the person we called Eva. Her energy will always exist, it’s just… less tangible.





She was my soulmate, my lover, and one of the best friends a person could ever have. She was demure, polite, pretty non-judgmental, and in many respects, the most important person in my life. But love is rarely cut and dried, and Eva and I had a relationship that was unconventional, to say the least. But, we loved each other, we were there for each other, and we understood each other in a way that I think is safe to say, nobody else did. I was privileged that she was willing to open her life and her home to me. I never had children of my own, but I always thought of her kids, Thaeddy and Kaelon as my kids, too. They’ve been a part of my life since Thaeddy was about 6 and Kaelon was still in diapers. I couldn’t love them any more than if they were my own.





Y’know the symbol for the sign of Gemini? Well, Eva and I are both Gemini’s. She was born June 2, I was born June 18. That little symbol of the two twins? That was each of us. We were, in many respects, each others’ twin, and yet we were also opposite sides of the same coin. We could tell whenever one of us needed the other, and we’d pick up the phone within minutes of that feeling. There was an old film we both loved; Billy Jack. In the film, there’s a moment where Sheriff Cole is trying to find Billy, and has no idea how to find him. He asks Jean, Billy’s lover, how do you find him?
She replies, “Whenever we want Billy, we just contact him Indian-style.”

“What does that mean?” the sheriff replies.

“We just want him, and somehow he shows up!” she responds.

That’s how it was with Eva and me. We just somehow knew whenever either one of us needed the other. It also helped that we’re both part Cherokee. And we were always there for each other, even if only on the phone. A lot of people don’t understand our relationship. “Why weren’t you guys married?” they ask. Well, beside the fact that we were both pretty independent spirits, I think Eva knew that I’m not cut out for marriage, and not to be in any way unkind, but neither was she. After her husband Dennis died so many years ago, she preferred her freedom, and I respected that. In fact, I did ask her once, years ago, to marry me. She said No, not because she didn’t love me, but more than likely because marriage simply wasn’t our path. She also figured I’d get really impatient with Kaelon’s loud rap music at all hours!

Eva was somebody who was far more loving to the people she knew than some of them were to her. Her heart got broken a number of times by other people, as did mine, and we both were there to pick up each other’s pieces. We did our best to keep each other up and going. It also helped that we both have the same zany sense of humor.



















Here are Eva and I in photos taken nearly 30 years apart!


She was in a lot of pain and ill health over the last 15 years, but she still gave so much love and care to others. It saddens me that she never got the amount of airtime, or recognition, she deserved. She lived in poor conditions, when she deserved to live in a place of beauty and peace. To that end, a few years ago, I purchased a few acres of mountain land near Tehachapi, with the idea of someday building a nice little home for she and I. She saw pictures of this land, with its mountain views and tall pine trees, and deer and other wildlife, and she was really thrilled about the possibility of someday living in such surroundings. Well, for what it’s worth, she still can in a way, if her kids wish to leave a small amount of her ashes there. As far as I’m concerned, that home I build will be a small memorial to her. The Earth is a much better place because she was here, and it’s a much lonelier place now that she’s moved on.





In closing, I’d like to say something that I told Thaedra when she was feeling as though her momma, her best friend, had left her forever:
“We all have to cross over sometime. Don’t think of her as having left us. Just think of her as… scouting the trail ahead.”

Till we meet again, Eva.


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